The Moment of Fear
Inside Mina Tent
Friday, December 31, 2006
9th of Dhul Hijjah, 1427
After Fajr Prayer
We were getting ready. Getting ready for the most significant part of our Journey. Getting ready to make our Journey a success. Getting ready to ask for forgiveness from the Almighty. We were getting ready for Hajj!
Yes, it was 9th of Dhul Hijjah, The Day of Arafat, about which Rasul of Allah (SAS) said: “Hajj is Arafat”. The day was December 31, 2006. This is the only date I remember correctly for a very special reason, I will explain later why.
Everyone inside the tent was excited to start their ride on the bus to Arafat. As soon as we heard the ‘ok’ from our guides, we came out from the tents and saw all the buses lined up. All for the same reason, for the same destination, with the same excitement.
We got in our designated bus. Gentle cool breeze welcomed us as we were getting in. Sun had not peeped through the clouds. As usual I was looking around through the window; people with freshness of dawn on their faces were coming out of the tents for their buses. No one wants to delay this voyage.
The distance between Arafat and Mina is about 9 miles. However, due to traffic it could take us 2 -4 hours. Therefore, many of the tour packages arrange this travel to start right after Fajr so that pilgrims can reach Arafat by noon before Dhuhr prayer.
Our bus started moving. After couple of turns when it came down to the main highway, one of the guides led the Talbiya so every one started reciting with him – ‘Labbayek Allahumma Labbayek. Labbayek Laa Shaari Kalaka Labbayek. Innal Hamda. Way`nna Ma`ta. Laka Wal Mulk. Laa Shaari Kalaak.’ [ ‘O my Lord, here I am at Your service. Here I am. There is no partner with You. Here I am. Truly, the praise and the provisions are Yours, and so is the dominion and sovereignty. There is no partner with You.’] When I was a child, my Dadabhai and Dida (Grand Father and Grand Mother) always watched the live telecast of Hajj from Saudi Arabia. We all used to sit together to watch this day of Arafat. I had heard this Talbiya so many hundred times while I was growing up, that like any other kid who memorizes whatever rhythmic gets into their ears, I had them memorized. So before we were preparing ourselves for Hajj, this Talbiya was the easiest one for me as I didn’t have to memorize again. Allah has His own Big Plans of preparing ourselves for days, times, or moments, only we know not.
I don’t exactly remember after how long, I started seeing hills and plain fields. Sun was up with its majestic morning light. Voices of the people reciting Talbiya got slower and softer by then. I looked on my left through the window. I was trying to find Mount of Rahmah on which pilgrims thrive to be on. Every time I saw hill with people on it, I thought that might be the one. However almost all the small mountains had a good number of pilgrims so it was hard to identify the right one. Suddenly our guide told something and I saw people turning their heads to the left. I turned too and it was no mistake that time. I saw the mountain covered with white. White due to the crowd in Ihram. This is the mountain on which our beloved Prophet gave his final sermon. Although it was far from the street where we were passing by, no vision could miss the sight.
It was another 15 – 20 minutes drive before our bus finally reached its halt. Until then the perception of Arafat to me was – sun over the head, umbrellas or no shade, heat, standing, few amenities of life, light traveling, very little food, the day busy with dhikr and Quran recitation, supplication etc. Those were how I saw Arafat in TV during my childhood. To my utmost surprise, as our bus stopped, my eyes caught a big tent through which red embroidered carpet was visible. Sofas were kept outside the tents. I couldn’t help asking my husband, ‘Is this the place we are supposed to be in? Really?’
Well, during the whole Hajj experience, I got used to with the idea of ‘expect the unexpected’. But still the amenities I saw in Arafat were the biggest surprise to me throughout the journey. I had to keep reminding myself ‘we are here not for picnic but to ask Allah’s forgiveness and for repentance’. The breakfast box that we were given was more than enough to serve the purpose of breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yet a feast was waiting for us during lunch time. I should mention here that the facilities and amenities varies based on Travel Packages.
Anyhow, we got into our designated tents. Women and men in separate tents like Mina. The sizes of the tents were quite similar to Mina and with Air-conditioning. More space as there were no bedding arrangements and luggage. As Arafat is a desert plain, there was sand under the carpet. As usual we were in the tent where all the Bangladeshi & Pakistani women from our group joined. The Arab and from other countries went into the other tent. At that time all we knew was there would be the sermon from Masjid e Namira which we would listen before Dhuhr prayer. Then Dhuhr and Asr prayer would be combined and prayed in Jamaat. After that and after lunch people would perform dhikr, or any way of worship as they want. Then in the afternoon everyone would come out for the congregassional supplication led by an Imam until Sunset. After sunset we would leave for Muzdalifah.
To me, it was ‘the day of a lifetime, too short and will pass very soon, how to get the most out of it?’ Thinking about this I was a bit anxious as to how I should start the day. There wasn’t really a guideline that I came across from any source on that particular situation. Honestly after seeing all the luxury, hearing worldly conversations around me etc., made me a little distracted and I had to work on redirecting my focus. I decided to start by doing dhikr as they came along in my mind. At one point, it was hard enough to avoid the distractions from the conversations so I left our tent and moved into the other tent where the Arabic speaking women were sitting. It was quite a different environment. Most of them were busy reading Quran or other kind of prayers. Even if some were talking, it wasn’t distracting for me as I wouldn’t know what they were talking about. So I got a sigh of relief.
Before Dhuhr we all joined in one tent for women to hear the sermon from Masjid e Namira. I would believe it was broadcasted through sound system in every group tent.
Then at Dhuhr time we joined for the Jamaat inside the same tent. I forgot to mention earlier that our Arafat day coincided with Friday which is not so common event to occur. It was said to be ‘Akbari Hajj’. Due to lack of authentic source, I will skip explaining this term. We prayed Dhuhr and Asr together at the same congregassaion as part of Hajj ritual.
Then I came back to our tent for sometime. Lunch was served. It was a pure Arabic dish with big leg of Lamb Roast with Polao served in one giant stainless steel serving plate for all the people in one tent. Everyone would take in separate disposable plates. I was hearing that when it is Akbari Hajj, the Saudi King used to provide the lunch for all the pilgrims. But I wasn’t sure if in our case it was done or if in present time they do that.
After lunch I continued my dhikr inside the tent. As the time was passing by my heart was becoming restless with the thought that time is running out, need to do more, more and more. I would not get back this day ever in my life. I wanted to get out of the tent where some ladies were standing and making supplications. Even though the space was not adequate for many and due to the privacy issue, I was at first reluctant. Then I decided to go out. I found my Nanu (my Grandmother’s cousin and a very close relative. She was also in the same package but with a different group) there. She was also in our tent but decided to make supplication privately so went out before I did. I stood near her during my supplication. Even though we were among hundreds of people, a sense of loneliness touched me at that time. It was as if there were none except my Creator and I. I am sure I was not the only one feeling that way. I looked at my Nanu and without any doubt I could tell she was missing Nana at that time and supplicating for him. Nanu became widow few years back. Nana was one of the greatest men in our family - a very soft spoken, caring and gentle person. May Allah bestow His Mercy on him and grant him Jannah.
As the time approached toward afternoon, I was being more anxious about running out of time. Also a strange feeling of restlessness and loneliness captured me. I came out and started looking around for my husband. There were men and women outside. When I found him we went together to make a joint supplication at an open yet private space. It was of big help to ease the burden on my heart. I felt much better. At the end of the supplication I heard crying around us and saw familiar faces from our group supplicating privately. It was such a heart softening sight. May Allah accept all our wishes.
Finally we got calls to come out of the tents and stand for the congregassional supplication. I had no idea what I was going to experience before it started. The Imam began his supplication – in Arabic. As soon as he started calling the most gracious names of Allah Subahanallah Taala, I got shiver in my body. My heart trembled with Fear, unlike any FEAR I felt before. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t think of anything except for the thought of being stood in front of the Almighty. As if it was the day of Judgement. As if I am hearing Allah asking me “I Created you – what did you do with your life???’’ My eyes were closed with runny drops of water. I was trembling. I didn’t know Arabic. Yet, I felt that I understood everything the Imam was saying. Asking for Mercy! Mercy! and Mercy! Repenting for the days we passed so carelessly! Sins that we committed knowingly and unknowingly! Oh Allah! Except for Your Mercy, there is no Mercy! Oh Allah conceal our sins on the day of Judgement! How many years we have passed without thinking about You! Oh Allah! Forgive us. Oh Allah! Forgive your servants! Oh Allah! I seek refuge from the Fire! Oh Allah! Protect us from being the fuel of the Fire!.Oh Allah! Accept our repentance and make us like a newborn! Without Your Mercy, there is no Mercy! Ya Gafurur Raheem! You brought us here today on this plain of Arafat! Please Forgive us! Please forgive our Brothers and Sisters! Please forgive our parents who passed away! We worship none but You! Please accept our repentance! .. ………………………………………………………………............................
I was trembling….with Fear!
The supplication approached to its end. A gentle evening breeze hugged us. I felt my body became very light. Inside my heart I felt peace. The emotion of Fear turned into a sense of tranquility. I heard two words around me - ‘Hajj Mubarak’. Fellow pilgrims were greeting each other. Congratulating on completion of the biggest ritual of Hajj. Sun had set. We came inside our tent and hugged each other. It was time to wait patiently for the call to leave for Muzdalifah.
Monday, December 31, 2007. 1:17 AM.
Exactly one year after the day of Arafat. Allah gave us a very special gift. Our son, our first child, – Nawid was born. We named him Nawid as a sign of Allah’s Mercy. Nawid means – ‘Glad Tidings’ or ‘Good News’.
Inside Mina Tent
Friday, December 31, 2006
9th of Dhul Hijjah, 1427
After Fajr Prayer
We were getting ready. Getting ready for the most significant part of our Journey. Getting ready to make our Journey a success. Getting ready to ask for forgiveness from the Almighty. We were getting ready for Hajj!
Yes, it was 9th of Dhul Hijjah, The Day of Arafat, about which Rasul of Allah (SAS) said: “Hajj is Arafat”. The day was December 31, 2006. This is the only date I remember correctly for a very special reason, I will explain later why.
Everyone inside the tent was excited to start their ride on the bus to Arafat. As soon as we heard the ‘ok’ from our guides, we came out from the tents and saw all the buses lined up. All for the same reason, for the same destination, with the same excitement.
We got in our designated bus. Gentle cool breeze welcomed us as we were getting in. Sun had not peeped through the clouds. As usual I was looking around through the window; people with freshness of dawn on their faces were coming out of the tents for their buses. No one wants to delay this voyage.
The distance between Arafat and Mina is about 9 miles. However, due to traffic it could take us 2 -4 hours. Therefore, many of the tour packages arrange this travel to start right after Fajr so that pilgrims can reach Arafat by noon before Dhuhr prayer.
Our bus started moving. After couple of turns when it came down to the main highway, one of the guides led the Talbiya so every one started reciting with him – ‘Labbayek Allahumma Labbayek. Labbayek Laa Shaari Kalaka Labbayek. Innal Hamda. Way`nna Ma`ta. Laka Wal Mulk. Laa Shaari Kalaak.’ [ ‘O my Lord, here I am at Your service. Here I am. There is no partner with You. Here I am. Truly, the praise and the provisions are Yours, and so is the dominion and sovereignty. There is no partner with You.’] When I was a child, my Dadabhai and Dida (Grand Father and Grand Mother) always watched the live telecast of Hajj from Saudi Arabia. We all used to sit together to watch this day of Arafat. I had heard this Talbiya so many hundred times while I was growing up, that like any other kid who memorizes whatever rhythmic gets into their ears, I had them memorized. So before we were preparing ourselves for Hajj, this Talbiya was the easiest one for me as I didn’t have to memorize again. Allah has His own Big Plans of preparing ourselves for days, times, or moments, only we know not.
I don’t exactly remember after how long, I started seeing hills and plain fields. Sun was up with its majestic morning light. Voices of the people reciting Talbiya got slower and softer by then. I looked on my left through the window. I was trying to find Mount of Rahmah on which pilgrims thrive to be on. Every time I saw hill with people on it, I thought that might be the one. However almost all the small mountains had a good number of pilgrims so it was hard to identify the right one. Suddenly our guide told something and I saw people turning their heads to the left. I turned too and it was no mistake that time. I saw the mountain covered with white. White due to the crowd in Ihram. This is the mountain on which our beloved Prophet gave his final sermon. Although it was far from the street where we were passing by, no vision could miss the sight.
It was another 15 – 20 minutes drive before our bus finally reached its halt. Until then the perception of Arafat to me was – sun over the head, umbrellas or no shade, heat, standing, few amenities of life, light traveling, very little food, the day busy with dhikr and Quran recitation, supplication etc. Those were how I saw Arafat in TV during my childhood. To my utmost surprise, as our bus stopped, my eyes caught a big tent through which red embroidered carpet was visible. Sofas were kept outside the tents. I couldn’t help asking my husband, ‘Is this the place we are supposed to be in? Really?’
Well, during the whole Hajj experience, I got used to with the idea of ‘expect the unexpected’. But still the amenities I saw in Arafat were the biggest surprise to me throughout the journey. I had to keep reminding myself ‘we are here not for picnic but to ask Allah’s forgiveness and for repentance’. The breakfast box that we were given was more than enough to serve the purpose of breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yet a feast was waiting for us during lunch time. I should mention here that the facilities and amenities varies based on Travel Packages.
Anyhow, we got into our designated tents. Women and men in separate tents like Mina. The sizes of the tents were quite similar to Mina and with Air-conditioning. More space as there were no bedding arrangements and luggage. As Arafat is a desert plain, there was sand under the carpet. As usual we were in the tent where all the Bangladeshi & Pakistani women from our group joined. The Arab and from other countries went into the other tent. At that time all we knew was there would be the sermon from Masjid e Namira which we would listen before Dhuhr prayer. Then Dhuhr and Asr prayer would be combined and prayed in Jamaat. After that and after lunch people would perform dhikr, or any way of worship as they want. Then in the afternoon everyone would come out for the congregassional supplication led by an Imam until Sunset. After sunset we would leave for Muzdalifah.
To me, it was ‘the day of a lifetime, too short and will pass very soon, how to get the most out of it?’ Thinking about this I was a bit anxious as to how I should start the day. There wasn’t really a guideline that I came across from any source on that particular situation. Honestly after seeing all the luxury, hearing worldly conversations around me etc., made me a little distracted and I had to work on redirecting my focus. I decided to start by doing dhikr as they came along in my mind. At one point, it was hard enough to avoid the distractions from the conversations so I left our tent and moved into the other tent where the Arabic speaking women were sitting. It was quite a different environment. Most of them were busy reading Quran or other kind of prayers. Even if some were talking, it wasn’t distracting for me as I wouldn’t know what they were talking about. So I got a sigh of relief.
Before Dhuhr we all joined in one tent for women to hear the sermon from Masjid e Namira. I would believe it was broadcasted through sound system in every group tent.
Then at Dhuhr time we joined for the Jamaat inside the same tent. I forgot to mention earlier that our Arafat day coincided with Friday which is not so common event to occur. It was said to be ‘Akbari Hajj’. Due to lack of authentic source, I will skip explaining this term. We prayed Dhuhr and Asr together at the same congregassaion as part of Hajj ritual.
Then I came back to our tent for sometime. Lunch was served. It was a pure Arabic dish with big leg of Lamb Roast with Polao served in one giant stainless steel serving plate for all the people in one tent. Everyone would take in separate disposable plates. I was hearing that when it is Akbari Hajj, the Saudi King used to provide the lunch for all the pilgrims. But I wasn’t sure if in our case it was done or if in present time they do that.
After lunch I continued my dhikr inside the tent. As the time was passing by my heart was becoming restless with the thought that time is running out, need to do more, more and more. I would not get back this day ever in my life. I wanted to get out of the tent where some ladies were standing and making supplications. Even though the space was not adequate for many and due to the privacy issue, I was at first reluctant. Then I decided to go out. I found my Nanu (my Grandmother’s cousin and a very close relative. She was also in the same package but with a different group) there. She was also in our tent but decided to make supplication privately so went out before I did. I stood near her during my supplication. Even though we were among hundreds of people, a sense of loneliness touched me at that time. It was as if there were none except my Creator and I. I am sure I was not the only one feeling that way. I looked at my Nanu and without any doubt I could tell she was missing Nana at that time and supplicating for him. Nanu became widow few years back. Nana was one of the greatest men in our family - a very soft spoken, caring and gentle person. May Allah bestow His Mercy on him and grant him Jannah.
As the time approached toward afternoon, I was being more anxious about running out of time. Also a strange feeling of restlessness and loneliness captured me. I came out and started looking around for my husband. There were men and women outside. When I found him we went together to make a joint supplication at an open yet private space. It was of big help to ease the burden on my heart. I felt much better. At the end of the supplication I heard crying around us and saw familiar faces from our group supplicating privately. It was such a heart softening sight. May Allah accept all our wishes.
Finally we got calls to come out of the tents and stand for the congregassional supplication. I had no idea what I was going to experience before it started. The Imam began his supplication – in Arabic. As soon as he started calling the most gracious names of Allah Subahanallah Taala, I got shiver in my body. My heart trembled with Fear, unlike any FEAR I felt before. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t think of anything except for the thought of being stood in front of the Almighty. As if it was the day of Judgement. As if I am hearing Allah asking me “I Created you – what did you do with your life???’’ My eyes were closed with runny drops of water. I was trembling. I didn’t know Arabic. Yet, I felt that I understood everything the Imam was saying. Asking for Mercy! Mercy! and Mercy! Repenting for the days we passed so carelessly! Sins that we committed knowingly and unknowingly! Oh Allah! Except for Your Mercy, there is no Mercy! Oh Allah conceal our sins on the day of Judgement! How many years we have passed without thinking about You! Oh Allah! Forgive us. Oh Allah! Forgive your servants! Oh Allah! I seek refuge from the Fire! Oh Allah! Protect us from being the fuel of the Fire!.Oh Allah! Accept our repentance and make us like a newborn! Without Your Mercy, there is no Mercy! Ya Gafurur Raheem! You brought us here today on this plain of Arafat! Please Forgive us! Please forgive our Brothers and Sisters! Please forgive our parents who passed away! We worship none but You! Please accept our repentance! .. ………………………………………………………………............................
I was trembling….with Fear!
The supplication approached to its end. A gentle evening breeze hugged us. I felt my body became very light. Inside my heart I felt peace. The emotion of Fear turned into a sense of tranquility. I heard two words around me - ‘Hajj Mubarak’. Fellow pilgrims were greeting each other. Congratulating on completion of the biggest ritual of Hajj. Sun had set. We came inside our tent and hugged each other. It was time to wait patiently for the call to leave for Muzdalifah.
Monday, December 31, 2007. 1:17 AM.
Exactly one year after the day of Arafat. Allah gave us a very special gift. Our son, our first child, – Nawid was born. We named him Nawid as a sign of Allah’s Mercy. Nawid means – ‘Glad Tidings’ or ‘Good News’.
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